As I was growing up, I was lucky enough to have a number of smart, loving, family members teaching me the mysteries of life. I didn’t always appreciate their wisdom at the time, but I’m so thankful they were there to guide me into adulthood.
I learned lessons I didn’t even know I was learning. I’m hopeful that I will be able to teach my own children the same important lessons as they move from children into young adults.
1. Less is More (Grandpa Carlson)
My Grandpa Carlson lived a simple life. He had a home directly behind mine when I was growing up. Later on, he moved Up North and lived in a small trailer at the water’s edge.
Grandpa didn’t have a lot of possessions. This was mainly by his own design, as opposed to financial reasons.
Grandpa did not like excess of any kind. He preferred to limit waste in life. Grandpa fed the birds and squirrels, made stew to freeze for the winter months, and put together an occasional puzzle. Grandpa Carlson also enjoyed spending his time at the kitchen table reading the occasional Zane Grey novel.
There is something calming and real about how Grandpa spent his later years in life. I definitely learned from Grandpa that less can be more. Possessions don’t mean a whole lot if you don’t have the important things in life, such as love and family.
2. Take Time to Dance (Mom)
My mom loved to have fun. She worked hard, and I don’t think life was always the easiest, especially once she had her first cancer diagnosis, but she always found a way to make the most of a situation.
Mom loved to dance. I can’t tell you how many different dance lessons at local American Legions she dragged me to. She wanted to know the steps, understand the rhythm, and just have fun. Well… she had fun. She wasn’t necessarily any good with the line dancing sessions, but it was enjoyable to watch her. The whole group would be turned one way, stepping to the right or the left, and Mom was typically turned the opposite direction, going the opposite way, humming and swaying her arms the entire time.
I remember an instructor going over to her during one of the breaks. “Marlene, Marlene. Come here please. Let’s try some of the steps over here. You say you’ve done this before?” She would smile and attempt to learn during the extra practice, but when we returned to our dancing, Mom would go her own way.
I hated going to the dance nights. It involved people and was just not my thing, however I wish I could go one more time. I miss her so much it’s impossible to put into words the void in my life not that she’s gone.
3. Always Check the Oil – Don’t Cut Corners (Dad)
I grew up in a family that wasn’t afraid to do work for themselves. My parents, with the help of other family members, built their own home. Plumbers were never called. I didn’t even know that was such a thing. Same with electricians, contractors, etc…
One thing that Dad always drilled into my siblings and I, was that before turning on a lawn mower, weed whipper, chainsaw, basically anything with a motor, you always checked the oil. It was important to take the time and do things the right way.
4. Do Things For Yourself (Grandma Rose)
Grandma Rose had a difficult life growing up. She came from a time when home remedies for ailments were used quite frequently. You didn’t go to the store to buy what you needed. You either grew it yourself, made due with what you had, or went without.
Grandma taught all of her grandkids that you didn’t want to rely on others to get you through things in life. Everyone was capable of work and doing things for themselves.
5. Just Because You Can Do it, Doesn’t Mean You Have To (Mom)
I distinctly remember a specific trip to the grocery store in my youth. I was in high school at the time. Mom and I were just picking up some groceries for dinner, along with a 40 pound bag of dog food. We were ready to check out and I remember the bagger asking if we would like him to carry out the dog food for us.
Being an independent, young, athletic girl, I was a little insulted, and I assured him that I could carry it to the truck. We left the store, with mom carrying the bags of food and me weighed down by the bag of Purina. As we were heading out of the store, Mom turned to me and said, “You know, just because we can do things, doesn’t mean we have to.” She smiled her wide, mischievous smile, and then stowed the bags in the back of the vehicle.
I’ve thought of this particular lesson quite often the past few years. Yes, I can split wood for the wood burner, but I have a husband, 15 year old twin boys, and a 10 year old daughter. Yes, I can carry in the case of water, but I have 2 strong boys that can also do it.
It’s important to me that I can do things for myself, but what a great lesson to learn that it doesn’t mean I always have to.
6. Everyone Deserves a Chance (Aunt Karen)
When I was in middle school and high school, my Aunt Karen ran a care facility for adults. Some of her clients were blind, cognitively impaired, and Autistic. Aunt Karen created a home for her clients, filled with love, fun, and household responsibilities.
There were outings that Aunt Karen would go on with the people that lived in her care facility. I would sometimes go to help out. We went sledding, to the fair, out in the community, etc… I learned from Aunt Karen that the only limitations that are put on people, are ones that we put on ourselves.
Everyone deserves a chance. Everyone can be an important contributor to society. (I ended up becoming a special education teacher in part because of my time spent with Aunt Karen).
7. The Dinner Table is Important (Grandma Lovette)
My Grandma Lovette passed the summer after I graduated from high school. It was devastating to lose her. I spent quite a bit of time at Grandma & Grandpa’s house growing up. Grandma was also a fishing partner for me, and we would go Up North for long weekends in the spring and summer months.
When Grandma made dinner, there was usually a small salad to start, a meat, potato, and vegetable, along with a dessert at the end of the meal. I would help set the table and the whole dinner time was just an overall family experience. It was an important time of the day – not because of the food (although it was excellent), but because of the time spent with loved ones.
As I write this blog post, I’m thinking of all the late food nights with my own family that includes way too much fast food and eating in the truck on the way home from a late practice or game. I need to do better. The dinner table is important.
8. Chase Your Dreams (Mom)
My mom knew that I wanted to be an author. When I first completed the manuscript for Life at Loon Lake, I printed the pages out so Mom could read them. She read it within a few days and then was full of questions and comments about the characters, the setting, etc… Later, I found out that she was handing the manuscript around to her co-workers so they could also read it. She loved the idea that I may possibly have a published book one day. I wish she would have still been alive when Life at Loon Lake was printed.
Mom always had this philosophy of ‘Why can’t you?’ It wasn’t just me, but for my sister and brother as well. She was a firm believer in anything is possible if you work hard enough for what you want.
If Mom was here now, she’d be telling me that one day I’ll see my books in a store. While I’m working on my dream for myself, I also want to achieve my goals for her.
9. Skinned Knees Earns You a Starting Position (Coach Schaar)
Coach Schaar is not a family member, however the lesson he taught his team is worth adding to this post.
Coach Schaar was all about effort. You needed to put forth 110% if you wanted to succeed in life.
I remember being in the locker room before a basketball game and he would ask, “Who has the most floor burns?” While it wasn’t a requirement to being a starter on the team, it definitely put you to the top of the list – no matter your skill level.
Skinned knees equated to working hard, doing your best, and not giving up. Coach Schaar was teaching us more than just basketball skills.
10. Make Memories While You Can – Life is too Short (Mom)
When Mom was told her cancer was terminal, she started to live life a little differently. She never gave up hope that a miracle would happen, but she also started to make memories with every family gathering we had. She had always took time for her kids and grandkids, but she started to seek out situations and experiences to have with all of us.
Since we lost Mom three years ago, I definitely look at life through a different perspective. The impact that her death has had on me has been staggering, and I’m a fairly well-adjusted 46 year old adult. My role as a mom makes me think about my responsibilities to my own children. There’s a stronger sense of urgency to make the most of life, love as deeply as I can, and teach life lessons of my own to my three children.
A long life is not a given. Make those memories while you can.
Goals for Today:
- Make Stir Fry
- Watch Sunday Night Football with my Kids
- Make Memories