It happens without fail.
I lay down at night, exhausted and ready for sleep.
I snuggle under the covers, maybe scroll through TikTok or browse the news on Yahoo for a bit, then fall fast asleep.
The next thing I know, I’m awake checking my phone to see what time it is.
It’s 3:00 A.M. Always. Like clockwork – you could say.
Bathroom, Sore Legs, or Something Else?
There are times that I just need to go to the bathroom. Nature is calling, so to speak. If that’s the case, I get up, use the restroom, and then lay back down and quickly fall back to sleep.
Sometimes, my legs are aching – especially if I’m laying on my side. When this happens, I usually try to lay on my back, wait for my legs to not hurt anymore, and then return to my dreams.
Often, when I wake up at the 3 AM hour, it’s not because of bathroom needs or body aches.
I’m just awake and have no idea why.
Is it because I’m having difficulty turning my mind off?
I truly believe that most of my restlessness in the middle of the night is due to anxiety.
I’m Not Alone with This Issue
When I searched this topic up on Yahoo (I’m not usually a Google person), I realized that I’m not alone in this 3 AM thing.
It seems that many people have this very same issue.
I recently read an article posted on a blog through Calm.com about this very issue. You can find the article here if you would like to read it. The post does a great job in listing different reasons why people may find themselves awake in the middle of the night, along with giving suggestions on how to help with the issue.
For myself, I really think that my issue centers around anxiety/worries.
I just can’t turn my brain off long enough to recharge.
Letting Things Go…
I worry about…
- Sports Schedules – which kid needs to be at which game/practice and is their uniform ready to go
- If I’m teaching enough writing to my students (I am, but this is a weird worry that I wake up to often)
- If I’m helping Dad enough
- The boys and ‘dating’ concerns – Have I talked to them enough about Life
- Khloe and navigating ‘girl’ life
- Grades/Assignments for the Kids – This is typically fine, but still a worry
- Bills
- Will I be ready financially for retirement when I have my years in
- Did I remember to stock enough snacks at school for kids without any
- Am I missing a meeting that I’m supposed to be ready for
- Do I have all of my school paperwork caught up
- Preparing for my first Author’s event – I have no clue what I’m doing, but I’m having an Author’s table on April 6th
- Dusting/Vacuuming/Cleaning the House
- Am I missing a family birthday
- How can I help missing children from the news (I worry about missing kids all of the time.)
- Am I being a good Mom
- Am I being a good teacher
- What am I missing
- Keeping Mom’s memory alive for the kids
- Would she be proud of me if she was still here today
- Everything
Solutions to My Dilemma
Many of my worries are tied to teaching. While I love my job, there will come a time, after a handful more years, when I will be able to retire.
I will do so as soon as it’s an option.
The reason for this is two-fold: I have been too stressed lately with things at work. I need less anxiety in my life, and I believe that retiring from teaching will help with that. The other reason is that I want to work on writing children’s books. Honestly, I want to just sit in my cabin and write, nap, feed the squirrels, etc… I want that more than anything.
While retiring from teaching can be looked at as one of my solutions, I really need something a little more immediate and not years away.
I’ve been working on trying to close my mind to my worries before I go to bed. Brian and I have this pact that we can not talk about anything remotely worrisome before bedtime. (This includes anything at all related to teaching.)
When something does pop into my brain and I need to remember to take care of that worry at a different time, I text it to Brian or write it down so that I can deal with it in the morning. This helps me tremendously because many of my worries revolve around forgetting to do something.
My last solution is simply to begin reading at night again. For some reason, I stopped doing this around Christmas time.
I think I stopped reading in bed mainly so that I could use every waking moment doing other things where I felt I wasn’t wasting my awake hours on not being productive.
It was ridiculous not to remember that I need that reading time to unwind and ‘escape’ into other people’s lives – even if for just a little bit.
“Fiction became a friend as well as a safe harbor; a cocoon to protect her from the outside world and its dangers. She could read about Robin Redbreast but she must avoid at all costs the robins that tittered in the back garden.”
― Emilia Hart, Weyward
Goals for Today:
- Clean the Kitchen
- Go for a Walk – It’s Beautiful Outside
- Read Before Bedtime