Life is hard.
There are days when a person can feel as if they are being pulled underwater, drowning in work, schedules, and expectations – ones placed on them by others, as well as expectations that are self-imposed.
I told myself that, as a teacher, life would be way easier once summer time hit. I would be able to escape to my Writing Cabin, work on my blog, knock out another children’s book, and even learn another side hustle.
It hasn’t been working out quite that way.
Juggling Work & Home
The first half of 2025 has been hectic to say the least. Construction is happening at our school, and due to this, my classroom needed to be relocated – twice. On top of this, my caseload has been full and filled with meetings, paperwork, and deadlines. While I absolutely love my job and my employers are supportive and understanding, it can become draining at times.
With the onset of Spring and Summer, life also became hectic with home-life. We had baseball, track, soccer, and the occasional football practices all thrown in together. Once June arrived, track and soccer finished up, but basketball became the focus.
The school ended and another successful year was completed. While life was good, it was still difficult to find time to catch up with everything.
The house was clean, but I could still see cobwebs in corners, dust on shelves. My dishes were done, but kitchen cupboards were in dire need of decluttering, the back porch needed organized, windows needed to be washed – the list seemed endless.
While I tackled a few home projects, there always seemed to be something else to add to the list.
I know what you are thinking. I should stop whining and buck up, deal with it. This is nothing out of the ordinary and people, both men and women, deal with this type of thing daily – all while not having the summer off their job to handle these daily chores.
I get it. I feel spoiled in many ways, however I also feel defeated.
Every day is a struggle without Mom. She’s been gone four and a half years now, and often the grief is as overwhelming as it was right when she passed away.
Needless to say, my blog, my children’s books, my writing, has been put on hold – until now.
Technology Troubles
One of my biggest limitations in life is technology, and my overall block when it comes to anything that contains a username, password, or URL address.
There were countless times over the past few months when I thought, today is the day. I’m going to log on to my computer and post a blog. I’m going to get into Canva and remember how to create a Pinterest Pin to add to my board.
Before I even booted up my computer, I would chicken out and go do something else.
I was scared, you see. What if I couldn’t remember how to get into Bluehost, my blog domain? Maybe my subscription was canceled or my website wasn’t working at all. (This was one of my biggest fears because there were a lot of tears in the creating of the website since I don’t know what I’m doing with website design.)
I’m going to say it again – I was scared. This fear has been holding me back from pursuing that dream I have of seeing my books in a store.
Not anymore.
Time to Myself
When school finished up for the year, I found myself at a breaking point. I needed a change, otherwise I was going to have a mental breakdown.
I didn’t exactly pack my bags and leave my family in the middle of the night, destination unknown, but it was close.
With my husband’s blessing, (Brian’s the best), I left and went to our little cottage Up North. I packed snacks, bought a case of Diet Coke, and loaded up on groceries. I was escaping life by running away to a place that makes me feel safe and nostalgic of my past childhood summers.
My Up North adventures were timed between my son’s June basketball events, only missing one or two games during the month.
It’s now July 11th and I’m writing this blog post sitting at our cottage kitchen table, looking out the sliding glass doors at the water. An egret that I’ve named George, (I’m convinced he’s the same one I see multiple times a day), just flew by, his wings gliding close to the water’s edge.
I arrived this morning and I’m hoping to stay until next Sunday – roughly 8-9 days.
When I plugged my phone into the truck charger this morning on my two and a half hour ride up here, Google maps came on the display.
It’s listing our cottage address as ‘Home’ for me now.
While ‘Home’ is wherever my family is, it still made me smile.
Letting Go of Expectations
I started summer with the expectation that I was going to be glued to my computer, enjoying my writing sessions, updating my blog, and earning income on the side, working from home.
This mental list existed inside my head, weighing me down with each day that I avoided the technology, filling my days with cleaning, and completing other projects on my list instead.
I was procrastinating because I was scared.
As the days turned into weeks, I was becoming more and more depressed. What was I doing with my life? Summer was slowly sliding by and I hadn’t completed one thing on my writing ‘To Do’ list. Before I knew it, school would be starting and I wouldn’t have the time back that I had while I was off work.
Then I thought, who cares?
What if my expectations for this first month was to do nothing but what I did do? I didn’t just sit around, although if I had, that would have been okay too. Instead, I spent time with family, spent time Up North, cleaned, and read a couple of Nora Roberts books.
I need to step back and give myself a break.
I’m here now, typing away and enjoying my computer time. This first blog post back feels a little bit like a whining, confusing, cluster of words, but oh well.
I will get my rhythm back and hopefully begin to smile more. Jelly Roll sings it best when he says, “I’m not okay, but it’s all gonna be alright.”
Goals for Today:
- Sit by the Water
- Read my Book
- Work on Outlining Book 3 in Loon Lake Series