Let me start off by saying that if you are coming to this blog post looking for solutions on how to tackle issues with teenagers, I don’t have any. As a matter of fact, I need help myself.
I have 15 year old twin boys, Kaleb & Keegan, along with a 10 year old daughter named Khloe. While Khloe provides her own set of challenges, my teenage boys definitely give me the most headaches.
Here is a list of my top 5 frustrations with parenting teenage boys:
1. Messy Habits
The mess that they collectively create ranks top of my list of challenges. I absolutely hate items on the floor. It’s probably my biggest pet peeve. The boys leave socks, clothes, wrappers, and anything else they can think of, scattered across their bedroom floors.
Along with that, they also will raid the pantry at night and leave the empty boxes on the shelves. Why do they do this? It must be a pure laziness thing, but I would think it wouldn’t take much effort to take the box, along with the snack, and throw the box in the trash. It seems to be a phenomenon that happens with many teenagers.
Can I take a moment and talk about what I find under the couch? I’ve moved the couch recently to look for a lost remote. Not only did I find the remote that had slipped through the couch cushions, I also found: coins, wrappers, plastic water bottles, socks, a bent spoon, and what I think was a half eaten donut. That is absolutely disgusting. How does one lose part of a donut and then not think that he should probably retrieve it? Teenagers.
2. Lack of Responsibility
I’m a Gen X girl, so I’m just going to say what I need to say. Back in my day, we had chores and you helped your family. If lawn work needed to be done, the whole family was out raking leaves, picking up sticks, etc… If the house needed to be cleaned, we all did something. That doesn’t always happen at our house.
Now I know what you are thinking – this is mine and my husband’s fault. I agree, to an extent. The ‘Lack of Responsibility’ for the boys is definitely a problem for me, otherwise it wouldn’t be on this list, however, I try to balance it with time spent in school events and sports.
There are many nights that the boys do not get home until after 8:00 P.M. The combination of football practice and weight lifting goes from 2:35 – 7:30, which means we leave the high school parking lot around 7:45. We live about 20 minutes from the school so 8:00 is a typical time we roll in the driveway. Game nights are much later. I know this is just talking about football, but basketball follows football, then you have baseball, etc… Time is a treasured commodity in our household.
Even with their rigorous schedule, I still would like to be able to tell them to do something and have them complete the chore without argument. Taking the trash out only takes a few minutes. Loading the laundry into the washer is also a quick task. There’s a balance here that my husband and I try to navigate. While we want our children to have the benefits sports offers them, they still need to understand the importance of pitching in every now and then.
3. Clothing Clutter
The boys each have their own laundry baskets. I wish they would use them with more consistency. Every now and then, they scoop up their clothes off the floor, dump them into the basket, then carry the basket to the washer. This typically happens when they’ve run out of options for school in the morning, or I’ve threatened to take away their phones. Either way, the dirty clothes generally pile up or become scattered across their bedroom floors in a regular fashion.
4. Communication Challenges
I’m an introvert to the core, so there are times that I enjoy the fact that the boys will sit in their rooms, watch TV, and text their friends. Matter of fact, I look for my own ‘down time’ at the end of the day, typically in my Writing Cabin working on a blog post or just hiding from Mom duties.
There are times, however, when you need to speak with your teenagers and they simply won’t respond. Often, they are wrapped up in their own complex social worlds to give you more than a few minutes of their time. Having a conversation with them will sometimes feel like you are on a game show and there’s a timer about ready to go off so you better hurry and get your point across.
On the flip side, if a topic is of super importance to them, such as gaining permission to go somewhere with friends, they will expect your undivided attention, no matter the time. I have had the boys come into my room, after I’m asleep, to wake me up and ask me the stupidest things. I’ve told them over and over that unless you are bleeding, throwing up, or some crazy person is in the house, don’t wake me up. I absolutely can not imagine doing that to my parents when I was younger.
5. Attitude
They boys were so cute when they were little. Two little itty bitty things, looking up at me and their dad for the answers to life. We were their heroes and their main source for information and security. Well, that’s over.
The boys are now young men, handsome in each of their individual ways. They do not look for the answers to life anymore because they seem to know everything. Matter of fact, I think if you asked them, we are just there to drive them to school and practices and occasionally feed them.
I understand that this is a stage of development in adolescence, however it still is exhausting to deal with. There’s also a fine line between giving a parent an ‘attitude,’ but also not crossing over to disrespectful.
What is the Solution?
My husband and I do make them clean up after themselves. If boxes are left in the pantry, I find the culprit and make them throw the boxes away – most of the time. When socks are left on the floor, I have the boys grab them and put them in the dirty clothes basket. If they do not complete a chore that was asked of them, they don’t use their phone until it’s done (I know that’s not a related consequence, but it works).
My frustration with this behavior is that I have to ask them to pick up the socks, throw away the boxes, clean the room, etc… When do they start to do things without me telling them they have to do it? Am I doing things wrong? Should we have already moved past this?
In the end, I do need to make quite clear that I have amazing kids and I couldn’t be more proud of them. My main goal with my children is that they grow up to be happy, healthy, independent members of society. I want them to be kind, smart, and successful with whatever ‘successful’ looks like to them. I think we are on the right track.
Goals for Today:
- Work on 3rd Book in Loon Lake Series
- Take a Walk
- Play Basketball with the Kids