My mom passed away from cancer back in October of 2020. She was my best friend and her death has been, without a doubt, the most difficult event that I have had to travel through to date.
I know it sounds like a cliché, but I could tell you that not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. At times, it can feel like a comfort to remember silly memories, or to know exactly what she would tell me in different situations. Those times are not as abundant as just this immense feeling of loss. To put it plainly, it sucks.
This morning I woke up knowing that my children had some presents and surprises for me. My husband made me a cheesy mushroom omelet in the morning and ended the day with steaks on the grill. It was great, except that in my mind, I wasn’t the mom to be thinking of today.
Instead of dwelling on the fact that what I really needed was to give her a hug, but I couldn’t, I decided to dive into yard work. I tried to escape by staying busy. I’m not sure that it worked, however the yard looks nice.
My family and I mowed, trimmed around trees, mulched flower gardens, and did a few other odd jobs around the property. My husband and I bought my childhood home that my parents built when I was a toddler. Walking around the yard, tending to flowers that were planted by Mom, was therapeutic in a way so that I could survive the day. It was almost as if she was walking along side of me. Maybe she was.
I ended the evening by making a visit to the cemetery and planting some flowers. For once, I’m glad that tomorrow brings Monday and other issues to deal with.